Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Seminar

Ever wonder who it was who first said
to a roomful of people
"Let's go around the room and introduce ourselves!?

Let's go back in time to five minutes
before that moment, and kill him.

"Now, I'm going to ask you to go around the room one more time,
but this time tell us the name of your personal hero!"

Just once I wish someone would say Mussolini. And mean it.

The lady in the 4-inch stiletto heels will say Mother Teresa.
Dorothy Day. I was close.

The consultant
is an action kind of guy
you can tell this
because he rolls up the sleeves
of his dress shirt
as he prepares to get down to
(Will he say it? Yes, he does) brass tacks.

Now comes a little joke.

Very little.

Doughnut holes.
You can gauge the state of the nation's economy
by the size of the doughnuts offered at seminars.
Haven't seen a Long John in three years.

To the lady with the chopsticks in your hair:
we're done with brainstorming.
The brainstorming portion of the program has ended.
Take another doughnut hole and belt up.

"When you set a business or personal goal,
time it to coincide with a date you can't forget,
like the 1st of the month or the first Monday of each month!"

All this wisdom, and doughnut holes, too.

"Now we'll all write some goals using this method,
and then we'll go round and share.
Let's start with a personal goal!"

I will shave my legs on every presidential birthday.



Sunday, June 3, 2012

How's the job going?" no one asked

"How's the new job going?" no one asked.
65 ring choices on a phone
that never rings.

It's been six months.
It's the only job I've ever had
where the hot water from the spigot on the coffee pot
is hot enough to brew my tea.
Otherwise,
I hate it.