Thursday, December 17, 2015

When I fell in love at Fleet Farm

The sun was considering rising over Lake Elmo
when I fell in love at the Fleet Farm gas mart
grizzled buzz cut
six feet two eyes of hazel
jeans and boots and well-worn Carhardt
he held open the door for me
and my 24 ounce coffee
(99 cents today, any size)
I said thank you
he winked at me by way of you're welcome
and said into his iPhone, "Well, if you can get a hold
of a big enough syringe, I've got enough
Euthasol to do the job."

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Sitting on the ice looking at my bloody thigh

Sitting on the ice looking
at my bloody thigh
through my torn pants leg
guessing it was bad enough
to warrant an ambulance and the ER
but not bad enough to warrant
the bills that would follow
I looked around for a tree
or telephone pole
with which to haul myself up
to start the slow limp home
and I saw that the rising sun was sending
red streaks out into the sky
like the streaks of my blood in the snow
red sky in morning
sailor take warning
I said out loud
as if walking on icy sidewalks
is cousin to sailing on the ocean

Thursday, October 22, 2015

The cannons shoot cans of tuna

The cannons shoot cans of yellowfin tuna which
the trees duck except the silver birch which
has been truculent since an independent poll
of arborists voted it Least Likely to Survive
Repeated Liftings of the Leg

The houses received offers of ducking classes
for any income level but they marked the emails
with a Reminder red flag or a Important red star
and never opened them again
consequently the houses never learned duckery
and the better suburbs claim dents are all the rage in Paris

Volleys of cans intimidate garage doors
fences are beaten down by the barrage
barred windows prove no barrier

It is widely known but never admitted by the last
of the flag lapel pin wearers that the ducking skills
of humanity lack reliability and so cans of tuna
have been known to hit them in the head
making the people bleed until they are empty
this damages the label of the tuna can rendering them
less valuable to foreign collectors

Dogs bred to be very smart so long as
they're not smarter than their domesticators often mistake
an incoming can of tuna for a Frisbee
Border Collies have been entirely wiped out
Shih Tzu now herd sheep

It's enough to make a country develop major depressive disorder
fortunately the earth has a core of iron or perhaps it is granite
we should have paid more attention in geography class
anyway, we're sure earth can survive tuna

Thursday, July 9, 2015

If you were a fish

If you were a fish
I wouldn't cut you
into nice chunks
for a chowder
with cream crackers
on the side.

I wouldn't sharpen
my best knife
to make of you
a handsome filet.

I wouldn't stuff you
with Indian rice
and Irish butter
to serve you
whole and proud
on my longest platter.

I would get out
my cleaver
and bring it down
upon you
and bring it down
upon you
and bring it down
upon you
until I had made
you into shreds
fit only for the least
of all fish dishes
fish sticks.

Monday, May 25, 2015

The wind its ass kicked by Canada

The wind its ass kicked by Canada
Searched until it found a
Smaller victim and is now bullying
a solo Siberian maple
Until its blossoms fall in
Clusters yellow on the asphalt
Its trunk bending to shelter them
Or, perhaps, to whisper I’m sorry

Monday, April 6, 2015

A Sin of Marketing

I suspect
if there turns out to be
anything more than nothing
an imp wearing hemp
will direct me to 
a block of cubicles
in hell
specially reserved
for those who have
ever signed off
on the purchase
of 25,000 beer can cozies
made of stretchy fuzzy stuff
that will survive
nuclear holocaust
the bright purple
undimmed
the university logo
in sparkly thread
glittering
at no one


Monday, March 30, 2015

The Chickadee Trio

A trio of chickadees
lands on the feeder bar
next to a red-winged blackbird
and for an instant all is an
iStock image keyworded diversity
then Patty Chickadee
hip bumps Maxine
and Maxine hip bumps Laverne
second verse same as the first
and then there's a wing protest
and then there's a squawk
and the blackbird eats the air
flapping his red-tabbed wings
to stay level with the feeder
and yell your mama wears army boots
while the chickadee trio
lunches

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

What if all of this

What if all of this
is the punishment
for having used pages
of my King James
revised
for rolling papers

(It's thirty years on
and I only took
from the concordance
no red letters
I swear)

What if all of this
is the punishment
for that afternoon
in Whitby Hall
in room 413

(with the view of the maple
I thought of as mine
and the artificial pond
with the artificial name)

What if all of this
would have been different
if I had sacrificed
instead
the onion skin
over the frontispiece sketch
in my 1899 Cranford

(What if all of this
has been
outer darkness)

Monday, March 9, 2015

At some point midstream

At some point midstream
people stop asking how are you
You stand there out of breath
on the rock that is Monday
after making the leap
from the rock that is Sunday
a leap that is equivalent
to translating Beowulf into Western Yiddish
while climbing Everest
on a moonless night
when all you know of Western Yiddish
is gonif and putz and maybe matzoh
when you should have worn something better than sneakers
when the crank to the crank flashlight
won't crank

Monday, January 12, 2015

Therapy Dog

So small is the woman
her wheelchair looms around her
like a man's boot
looms around a child's foot

So thin is the woman
her bones are like
bent grasses waiting
under an iced over pond

So silent is the woman
death is her only voice
and he whispers
walk on she's mine

And so I walk on past her
but the dog turns back
stands before her
and rests his muzzle on her knee

Friday, January 2, 2015

PTSD

Screaming
My fists raised
I wake up
In the doorway
Of my bedroom
In the dark
And then I feel the dog
standing beside me
leaning hard against my thigh

And I bend down
To put my arms around him
And the rise and fall
Of his breath
Feels warm against my damp shirt
And I say to him It's okay
It's okay now
And I know I am talking
To myself 

Dr. Rx says knowing the details
Won't change a thing
Don't go lifting up rocks
You think it will help
To see what crawls beneath
But it doesn't work that way
I see her point
In the day in an office
Filled with fluorescent light
But in the night
In the dark
In the doorway
Of my bedroom
I want to know my enemy
For who he is
So that I can see the whites of his eyes
So that I can kill him
So that the dog and I
Can sleep

Thursday, December 11, 2014

That which I've learned

Never place your trust
In a man who wears pointy toed shoes
Or a dog whose prick ears go back
In the position that means fear
When coyotes howl on PBS

Keep several grains of salt
In a little bag in your pocket
For when you go to church
The car dealership
Anywhere near candidates for office

Know that the human heart is a hotel
People check in, people check out
One leaves a five spot on the pillow
One steals the coffee carafe

Believe that if you lay your palm
On a tree and say "Good morning"
If you wait quietly a few moments
You will hear the tree say "The same to you"

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

My Dog Writes Poems About Rain


All of his poems have titles like
Evil Water Falls Promiscuously
From the Sky the Gods Must Be Dead

In the park he stands under a tree
muttering phrases and counting out meter
until I give up and go back to the car
for the glove-compartment umbrella

Your mother's people herded Belgian sheep
And your father's fathers were from Labrador
I tell him
There's no earthly reason why you should
be so Evelyn-Genevieve-Priscilla about rain

Water is for drinking purposes only
He states in the voice of a narrator
of health department PSAs
And hold that umbrella right
A damp collar one moment is pneumonia the next

Monday, October 20, 2014

This I Believe

 
When a shaft of sunlight
shines down on
the most comfortable
armchair in the house
and the dog has curved
his spine just right
into the space
where the chair back
meets the chair seat
do not shift him
so you can take his place.
Sit somewhere else.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

In Case Family Can Be Found

Always scanning the faces
of people in queues
in case family can be found
at the Dairy Queen
on dollar Blizzard day
or at Target 
in the returns lane

Always saying Lovely green beans
Cute dog
Great weather isn't it
to people 
behind tables at the farmers market
on the trail
anywhere
in case family can be found
behind tables at the farmers market
on the trail
anywhere

Always stopping to read the bulletin board
in the foyer of the library
in hopes family can be found
between the minutes of the last
city council meeting
and the poster
on the safe disposal of sharps

Friday, October 3, 2014

Wolf

I said Wrap your arms around my neck
to a wolf
and he did
and I staggered backwards
and he lurched forwards
and then he was free from the quicksand
that protects the east entrance
to the elephants' graveyard
and a monkey screeched on a birch branch up above
and a lion roared
and a Jack Russell Terrier
in a jingle dress
danced in the falling snow

Wolf, I said
it was a dumbass thing
to fall into quicksand
anyone with your knowledge of the Paris subway system
should know that
Girl, he said
I had a hunger deep inside
and the marrow from the thigh bone
of a she elephant
is so filling
as long as she didn't die
of a broken heart
so I took a calculated risk
Besides, you shouldn't talk
everyone knows you go out in your jim-jams
to score Oreos at 24-hour convenience store prices

Wolf, I said
you see right through me
Girl, he said
you are a Pyrex measuring cup to me

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Zinnia Buffet

The straight row of thumbelina zinnias
is zig-zaggy and not very thumbelina
unless thumbelina means tall and taller
and over there as high as the fence
it wouldn't make a cover shot for
The English Garden magazine

But two swallowtails
a monarch
and a bumblebee as big as a big man's thumb
are tasting one flower and then the next
a little zig-zagginess no impediment
to moving methodically through
what's on offer at the zinnia buffet

Friday, June 6, 2014

Four Deer at the Oakdale Trail

Four deer in the clearing
Papa, Mama, their son,
and a cousin who is living
with them while attending
community college
to get her certificate
in phlebotomy
 
She’s getting
her head together
after finally admitting
that her mother was right
taking up with a married man
is just getting on the freeway
to East Heartache, Minnesota
population too many stupid
people to count
 
That story going round
about the meth
the Woodbury police department
the rehab on the taxpayer’s dime?
There's not a word of truth in it

It's true she looks a little rough
But that’s because she
spends all her free time
slapping herself into the middle
of next week when she thinks
of all the dumb-ass
moves she's made

Four deer in the clearing
Papa, Mama, their son,
and a cousin who wonders
if she should have waited
to give up Diet Pepsi
until things were more settled
in her life

Sunday, March 9, 2014

But I Can Do This

Because I can
Because I can do this
I come to you on the couch
where you are stretched out
just so
in expectation that the sun
that fell upon you
like a butter yellow blanket
yesterday
will come again today
and I place before
your nose a large biscuit
bulk bin code 87789
because the sun you are waiting for
isn't forecast again until Thursday
because I would summon that sun
for you if I could
but I can't
but I can do this

Monday, February 24, 2014

What does a writer for health care quality improvement write about?

the essentiosity
of regular colonoscopies
turn, turn, turn the residents
because an early pressure ulcer
just looks a bit red
but stage four looks like someone
drilled for oil right through
the center of an elderly buttcheek
the wound care nurse will probe the site
carefully with a cotton swab
the smell will make you want to lose
your daily food intake
which should include less than 100 calories
from sugar per day
you didn't know that for years
we've been stifling your mother
with enough seroquel
to sedate a Clydesdale
we trained you all your life
to believe the doctor knows all
and he thinks so, too,
click on this link to take this self-directed learning module
so you can become activated
to take charge of your own health care
because no one else is
here's this free wallet card
with the signs of a stroke
call 911 in case
of emergency
this all would go away
if Americans just weren't so fat